Is Smorgasboard Swedish for 'Buffet of Garbage'?

Paul Revere flees in horror after eating at the restaurant which bears his name.

This is one story I forgot to mention from my recent vacation to Ocean City, MD. We were looking for a cheap dinner that night and we spotted a place on the boardwalk called 'Paul Revere Smorgasboard'. They had a menu posted outside that looked pretty appetizing. Ribs, BBQ chicken, clams, pasta, tacos, salad bar, pizza, etc....all-American fare. After all, they wouldn't want to sully the good name of the Midnight Rider.


Don't be fooled by the menu.

So we went down the stairs and were met outside at some check-in table. We waited for awhile and watched kids amuse themselves by trapping each in other in wooden stockades. They actually looked pretty dangerous but somehow no kids got injured by the heavy wooden contraptions.

About 10 minutes later we were escorted in and given very specific instructions. 'Here's your ticket, go through the door, grab a plate, go through the salad bar and then a hostess will show you your table.'

Okay, that's a little weird, but whatever. Where else can you get a meal on the boardwalk for 11 bucks a head?

So we entered the dank, musty restaurant and immediately were herded into what literally resembled cattle chutes to the salad bar. Their strategy was clear - get you to fill up on lettuce and carrots - cheap fill before you hit the expensive meats. The salad bar was okay - it did have a good variety and some odd items. There were some round red rings that I thought were beets. They turned out to be apples, or at least apple flavored.

After we got our salads our hostess (who sounded European from her accent) took us to our booth. We ate our salad and noticed how big this place was and how full it was with families and other budget conscious folk. We ate our salads and then returned to the cattle chutes for the 'real food'.

It was utterly disgusting. The variety was there as promised but everything just looked horrible. The ribs were various bones and mangled shreds of flesh floating in a pool of grease and rank sauce. It looked like some large rodent had been butchered in the pan and put on the buffet line. I didn't dare touch any seafood, not wanting to risk getting food poisoning. Chicken wings were deep fried to char. Ugg...I can't go on. Everything in the buffet just looked sloppy, dirty and old. This was probably the least I ever ate at a buffet.


Actual photo taken (by someone else) of the troughs of slop.

I ate some strawberries for dessert which were unusually large. Perhaps some sort of growth hormone had been used on them. Oh and another thing, for some reason there's a large window right by the dessert area. The window is probably 4' by 8' and it looks into an elevator shaft. While I was getting dessert people passed in the elevator, giving us looks of disgust and pity - probably wondering what we had done to deserve eating in that dungeon.

None of us ate very much and we wanted to get the hell out of there. We get our bill and get this - MANDATORY 15% gratuity already added to the check! For a buffet where all the servers did was clear our plates! I always tip, but that's the beauty of a tip - it's voluntary. It was clear that this place knew we weren't going to tip for the quality of food or the service, so they decided to do it themselves.

We paid and got the hell out of there.

If you're ever in OC, MD don't go to Paul Revere Smorgasboard. Unless Mr. Revere enjoyed eating out of a dumpster, he's probably spinning in his grave over this sham of a smorgasboard.