It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

~O~

This weekend I attended the wedding of two of my friends, Dan and Julie. Dan and I went to grade school together as well as college. I met Julie through Dan and we ended up being classmates extensively for two years since we were in the same major (BAM - Bowling Alley Management).

Anyway, the wedding took place this past Saturday in the afternoon so Saturday morning two of my friends and I drove down to Philadelphia. The drive wasn't too bad and soon we arrived at the church. The church was quite beautiful with its high arching ceilings and ornate artwork. My gift and duty to Dan and Julie was to play 'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring' on my violin during the ceremony. For awhile we waited around the darkened church, trying to keep quiet since we were standing next to some confessionals which were occupied.

Eventually I found the Sister who was going to accompany me on organ during the piece. We ascended the stairs to the organ loft. The view from the loft was inspiring and the acoustics were even more amazing. From up on the loft there was a cavernous reverb. Every note I drew across the strings of my violin resonated profoundly. I ran through the piece twice with the Sister before the vocalists came up to the loft. They were both friends of Julie and I had met one, Mary, previously. I listened to the two of them practice and they sounded angelic. I'm not a religious man but being in such a setting one could easily feel spiritually inspired.

After rehearsing I went back down to the ground level to mingle with some old acquaintances. As the clock got closer to 2 PM more people entered the church and began to be seated. I took this as a cue to return to the loft where I'd watch the entirety of the ceremony.

The ceremony began shortly thereafter and for the next hour or so I watched a series of songs, readings, rituals, and prayers. The priest actually had a pretty funny reference to the movie The Wedding Singer starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. He read the lyrics to the song that Sandler's character serenades Drew Barrymore with. When I saw the movie the song was entertaining, mildly heartwarming, but overall not very significant. But somehow when read in a serious non-Sandlerish voice in the sanctity of a church with hundreds of people listening intently, it gained meaning that it hadn't had before.

Often times people are concerned with finding someone who is fun to be with - in the short term. Many don't really consider the more mundane aspects of marriage - the aspects of partnership that are much less glamorous than those typically associated with romance. When we see Hollywood couples they're always parading around town, dining at fancy restaurants, driving in exotic cars, and getting dressed up for movie premieres. In those types of settings maybe it's great to have the sexy trophy wife/husband on your arm, but what about those less exciting times?

Who is going to take care of you when you're sick? If you got lost on a roadtrip who would you want to have by your side? Would that person make a good parent?

I'm young, so admittedly, I don't think about those things much, but I should. It's much easier to judge people when your most important criterion in finding a mate is how good they look naked. But of course if you have longer lasting aspirations you need to delve much deeper than that.

I'd like to make an analogy to this situation - buying a car. I think young people (myself included) tend to look for mates based on external characteristics - akin to buying a car based on how sporty it looks or what color it is. Maybe you choose it because it's exciting - it can go 0-60 MPH in 3.3 seconds, It can turn on a dime and do burnouts. But the less glamorous features are often ignored - how reliable is the car? Does it require a lot of maintenance? Does it get good gas economy? These are the features that aren't easily discerned at first glance - you need to read the specs - get to know the car at a deeper level.

Sorry for the digression - back to the wedding. I had not had lunch that day so my friends had offered to pick something up for me while I waited for the Sister. Before the wedding had started they handed me a white Styrofoam container and a plastic bottle of iced tea. I retreated to the loft with my food and hid behind the pipe organ. I opened up the container to find a monstrously messy stuffed hamburger. The thing was covered in thick, sweet BBQ sauce and evidently some peppers and onions. It tasted delicious but I had to be so careful not to stain my suit. It was certainly a very impractical meal choice for someone who had to maintain precise finger dexterity when playing the violin moments later. So for the next 15 minutes I sat hidden behind the organ while the Sister played and a wedding photographer worked from the loft. I just hoped no one in the audience below saw me hunched back there like a squirrel eating a forbidden nut.

The time came for me to play. I was so nervous because I hadn't played violin more than 2 or 3 times in the past year. From rehearsal I knew that my arms would stiffen and fatigue after only a few minutes of playing and the significance of the event made my hands sweat. I wiped my hands off in a vain attempt to keep them dry. I really feared that my damp hands would cause my fingers to slide on the fingerboard of the violin with disastrous results.

The Sister gave me a nod and I stood up. I had turned the music stand to face the organ and away from the crowd below. I knew that if I saw everyone staring at me I might freak out so I did my best to ignore them. I started playing and surprisingly I made it through without any discernible problems. I finished the piece, packed up my violin and thanked the Sister. The rest of the ceremony went by quickly.

Later several people told me how nice the violin sounded and how it completely overpowered the organ, which was a total surprise to me since I feared no one would be able to hear me. I was glad that my performance was acceptable and that I didn't ruin one of the most important events of my friends' lives.

*** More to come later


Creepy photo of me up on the balcony. I felt like Batman overlooking the masses below.