My Superpowers

Superman in public.


Superman at home.

You know, you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at me, but I possess some pretty impressive superpowers. These amazing abilities allow me to rise above the masses and use my unique gifts for the benefit of mankind.

So what are these surreptitious yet stupendous scintillations of singularity?

1. The ability to not get sick (very often).
Now I don't believe in jinxes, so no need to knock on wood or go searching for four leaf clovers, but I haven't been ill (as in sick for multiple days requiring me to miss work, etc) in over 2 years. I have a pretty robust immune system and wash my hands constantly so this might help combat the spread of bacteria and other nasties. I'm not one of those compulsive handwashers though. Rather, I just can stand the feeling of having greasy hands and then typing on a keyboard or doing anything else. For this reason, I probably wash my hands about 10 times a day.

2. The ability to turn bright red with the slightest ingestion of alcohol
AKA "Asian Glow" I possess the amazing ability to transform my appearance merely by touching a drop of alcohol to my tongue. My face flushes red, my heart race increases and my breathing becomes shallow. This sounds pretty unpleasant and it is, although one day when some alien race invades earth with goal of enslaving humanity, I'll be safe, because of course, these aliens are equipped with eyes which can perceive every color in the spectrum except for red.

3. The power to stay up really late at night despite being tired
So when most people get tired they do the logical thing and take a nap or go to sleep. Not me. See, superpeople such as myself have this amazing drive which allows them to ignore the pangs of sleepiness and get a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wind. Each wind dispels any urge to slumber and suppresses any bedtime violation related guilt.

4. The ability to get sweaty with the slightest physical exertion
Actually, I'm exaggerating a bit. I'm not one of those people who get sweaty just walking around at work. But if I do anything more than a brisk stroll, my body's internal cooling system kicks in with startling efficiency. See me after an hour of basketball if you want to solve a drought in the midwest. Or I could be one of those background people on Richard Simmons' latest Sweatin' to the Oldies video.

5. The ability to eat relatively unhealthily and not exercise but not gain weight
This preternatural metabolism has allowed me to maintain a relatively constant body mass despite consuming high calorie foods and not expending many kilocalories in return. People tell me this power will diminish with time. We'll see.

6. Lastly, the power to write about mundane topics in great detail and soporific length when I'm pretty sure only my mother reads this blog
Hi Mom! I love you!