So, for the past week or so I've been on vacation with a few of my friends. For privacy's sake I'll only identify them by a letter. If you know me personally you'll probably be able to figure out who is who quite easily. So on with the tales...
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Last Wednesday I finished up at work (shined the last few bowling balls of the day) and called it quits. The next day I drove back to my parents' house because we were all meeting up in that town before leaving on our trip. I got home late afternoon which afforded me enough time to enjoy a home cooked meal and spend a few hours with my folks. At around 9 PM the members of our party had finally converged at my parents place, we loaded up A's Honda Fit (which is surprisingly roomy) with our bags and took off for tropical Delaware.
A little over 3 hours later (probably would have been sooner if not for a few wrong turns) we arrived at J's parents' house. We quickly set up camp in the basement where we slept on some old mattresses. K took the 'jelly bean couch' despite it appearing to be too small to accommodate his girth and found it quite comfortable. J took the 'best' used mattress which had a nice pillowtop, A found another mattress and I took a boxspring and stacked the remaining mattress on top of it. It was a bit of an odd camp, complete with assorted garden utensils, ping pong table, and other unused furniture but it served us well during our stay.
That night was pretty much shot so we called it a day and hit the sack. We awoke the next morning unexpectedly early, perhaps due to the strange environment, and had breakfast. From there we piled into the Fit and drove to Rehoboth Beach. Rehoboth is a pretty nice place. There's a nice strip and boardwalk and a pretty decent sized beach. It's not nearly as huge as Ocean City but the size feels a lot more manageable but offers enough to keep you entertained for the day.
The weather was okay, but not great. It was probably in the high 70s, pretty windy and sunny. The water was absolutely freezing so there were only a few braves or stupid souls who dared to take a dip. We stayed strictly on the beach. It was a pretty quiet day due to the brisk weather so we enjoyed a uncongested beach. Of the four of us, I was the only one who used any sunblock and later that day I felt pretty damn smart. I have this SPF 50 stuff which might be excessive but I sure as hell didn't have a single fleck of sunburn, which was the exact opposite of the rest of the crew. A and J both had noticeable redness, especially on their shoulders, but K somehow got extremely roasted on his forearms and the tops of his feet. His skin was literally lobster red. We left the beach, returned to the home base, took showers and went out to eat. J's parents suggested a seafood place they had heard was good.
It was this big market/restaurant that somewhat resembled a long barn. A massive propeller sat outside the window. I decided I should take advantage of the proximity to the ocean so I ordered this platter of steamed seafood which included clams, shrimp, and snow crab legs along with two non-seafood sides.
It was a lot of food and it took forever to eat it, mainly because extracting meat out of crab legs is a pain in the ass, even provided with the proper tools. I got this basket with a plastic cracker, food shears and this plastic knife-like utensil used to scrape the meat out of the shell. Frankly, it wasn't really worth the hassle. I'm not a huge fan of seafood to begin with and it just turned out to be a huge production to eat very slowly. The clams and shrimp were only okay and since they were steamed they really only had whatever flavor the old bay seasoning provided. The crab legs were dipped in butter but eventually I got too lazy and stopped eating. I had also developed a headache from being at the beach earlier in the day.
After dinner I felt not so good so as we drove to Dewey Beach for the night, I stopped at a gas station to pick up some Advil. A said he had some in the back of his car and K dug around and found it for me. Unfortunately it was some kid's fever reducer that expired in 2000. I decided not to risk it with some shady decade-old medicine.
I kinda passed out the rest of the way to Dewey, which is the hot nightspot of the area. Pretty much all the college kids and 20-somethings flock there since there's a nice drag of assorted bars. We went last year and I remember how packed the places were and how smokey they were. A and J wanted to go to this bar that had a pretty huge line and K and I decided we didn't want to mull around in a smokey mosh pit so we decided not to go. K started complaining about his burned feet so we stopped to buy some lotion. He picked up some combination gel with aloe and lidocaine, which is a topical anesthetic. We needed to stop so K could put some of this gel on so we sat on by the side of this house.
Randomly, this girl on a cell phone walks up to us and says '21 year olds are cunts.' I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to the person on the phone so I ignored her. But then she kept looking right over and us and walked over. She repeated herself again. I responded, 'We're not 21.' Then she said something about how she was 28 and 21 year olds thought they knew everything. We nodded our heads in hopes that concurrence would make her go away. She then told us that we were cool because we were 'down to earth'. A forced high five later, she was off.
That was weird.
About that time J and A called because they were sick of being mobbed at the club. They had gone in, gotten some drinks, and apparently some man pushed A's face into some woman's chest for no reason. They met up with us and I mentioned another less crowded bar we could go to. We walked to the bar and A went to get a beer. I wasn't in the mood to drink given my headache, K was the designated driver and J had no money. Therefore it wasn't much of a party atmosphere. A got mad that he was the only one drinking and stormed off. I was just zoning out and J got excited over some 'frozen t-shirt' contest that was going to happen shortly.
I didn't even bother getting up for the contest, but apparently what happened was 3 women had to break apart a frozen t-shirt, take off their own shirt and put it on. The contest only lasted about 30 seconds, and according to J, was quite boring.
A eventually came back and we decided to leave.
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The next day we woke up late and went to Ocean City. We feared that it would take forever due to traffic but our tardiness actually meant a traffic-free trip. We got there late in the day but the weather was nicer. We stopped to pick up some booze at the liquor store where we purchased some cheap zinfadel, a corkscrew, some water, ice, diet coke, and 2 cheesy looking cups to disguise our illegal booze. Outside of the liquor store we transferred the wine to the cups. Today everyone was begging to use my sun screen and much of it was slathered on charred extremities.
We headed to the beach, me lugging my duffel bag which contained everyone's towels, wallets, phones, a football, etc and someone else carrying the cooler. Ocean City, for anyone who hasn't been there is pretty huge and walking the boardwalk can take hours because it's miles long. We go to the beach and A decided there weren't enough people (read: hot girls) around so we walked to find a more populated area. After awhile K started complaining about his burned feet so we ponied up 3 dollars a piece to ride the boardwalk tram. The tram took forever to pick us up and we probably waited 20 minutes while drinking warm zin from our touristy cups. We finally got on the tram which moves about 1 mph faster than walking and rode it for a good 15 minutes. As we went down the boardwalk we discovered we were actually seeing less and less people on the beach, so we cut our losses and got off.
It was pretty late in the day so the beach was pretty open. Again, the water was cold, so we camped out on the sand. We tossed the football that I bought around and relaxed. A kid (probably 16 or 17) was lying out in front of us when 3 young girls (probably early teens 13, 14) came and started harassing him. It was pretty clear he wanted to be left alone but the 3 junior harpies wouldn't leave him alone. For some odd reason A started talking to them and soon they had attacked us. These 3 girls started asking us where we were from. A lied and said we were locals and immediately they showed doubt. A played along by continuing to lie and eventually some conflict and teasing came about. I was getting annoyed so I said nothing. Somehow this made me 'cool'. One of the girls said 'I like you, you don't say anything.' At that point I got up and decided to go throw the football.
A and J continued to entertain themselves with girls you might see on Dateline's To Catch a Predator and eventually one of the girls said something to the effect that she was Superwoman. A countered that he was Superman and she said that wasn't the case since she knew Superman personally, being Superwoman. I yelled 'so, do you have x-ray vision?' and the girls then responded that A had a small penis. They even gave him a nice nickname before scurrying off - Tic-Tac Dick.
About 15 minutes later another pre-pubscent girl walked up to us and said to A, 'Is your name Tic Tac?'
***
Wow, that was a lot of writing. Next time: Quicksand, Non-consensual videotaping, and the good luck of the seagulls!
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