Tee Vee

I don’t watch a whole lot of TV. It’s usually on in my apartment but only for the purpose of being background noise. The Simpsons and Seinfeld are on around dinner time so I’ll watch those shows with some frequency even if they are re-runs.

There are a few shows that I think are downright terrible and here they are:

1. Deal or No Deal – Here we have a game show with a very simple premise. There are a number of briefcases (32 I think) that each contain a card with a monetary value from $1 to $1,000,000. At the beginning of the show the contestant picks one briefcase which is pulled aside. Then in each round of play the contestant must open a number of cases, hoping to avoid the big values which are eliminated from the game. After each round’s openings the Banker makes an offer for the contestant’s case based on what values were revealed. The value of the Banker’s offer reflects the expected value of the contestant’s case.

I have to admit, the show is entertaining because the contestants and a bald Howie Mandel keep us amused with their antics – jumping around, yelling in excitement, praying to G(g)od(s) for a low value to appear in the opened brief cases. However, the game really involves zero skill. It’s merely guessing.

Oh, by the way each briefcase is escorted by a model who I heard makes 6 digits annually for standing there, looking pretty, and opening a brief case a few times per show. Too bad I’m not a hot girl, I could be making a decent wage with my smooth briefcase opening skillz.


Not surprisingly, the PC version sucks too.

2. The Moment of Truth – Another crappy Fox show, no surprise here. This show is also rather simple. The contestant answers a bunch of questions while strapped to a polygraph. Then during the show they answer the same questions, hoping that their responses will be interpreted as truth. As long as they answer truthfully they proceed in the game, with each round increasing in monetary value. Of course the questions become ‘harder’ meaning they become more and more risqué. Basically it degrades into a bunch of sex questions.

The contestant’s closest family and friends are with them on the show and of course a lot of the questions pertain to them. The whole draw of the show is that the contestants are asked questions which could destroy their relationships with other people. It’s really quite sick that people get excitement from seeing marriages ruined for the sake of money.

The family members and friends do have an override button they may use once per game if they don’t want to hear the answer to a question but I’ve yet to seen it used. The contestants also have the option to stop answering and run with the money but from what I’ve seen they almost always go for more and more money and eventually answer ‘untruthfully’. The whole concept is quite patronizing – I’ll pay you to tell the world your secrets because it’s amusing to see your friends and family shocked and hurt by your confessions.

"I'm oh so ashamed...but oh so rich!"

3. American Gladiators – circa 2008 – I really enjoyed the original and even the knockoffs that followed such as Battledome, I think it was called. While any AG is better than none, the new version really pales in comparison to the original thing. First off, several of the male gladiators are former strippers/gay porn stars. Now, maybe it’s just me…but having that kind of past kinda takes a chunk out of the ‘gladiator’ tough guy image.

Militia wants YOU...sexually.

Another gladiator, Titan, who incidentally was also in Battledome, looks like a ‘roided up Ken Doll, complete with fake orange tan, and glossy blonde hair. His gigantic pecs are also pushed up in his man-zier. I don’t really have any problems with the female gladiators.

The other complaint I have about the new AG is in the Eliminator. There’s one section called the hand bike which is basically requires you to use your upper body to ‘pedal’ across a suspended beam. In the original Eliminator the hand bike seemed to be much easier or at least lubed up more, but in this version even the burliest competitors seem to struggle with it. Instead they fall off into the pit below and climb their way back up to continue on the course. The problem is that it actually is faster not to attempt the handbike and the competitors have figured this out. So the smart ones feign an attempt, fall down into the pit and climb back up in about ½ the time it’d take someone to propel the handbike across the pit. In the old AG there was a penalty for falling off the handbike which eliminated this shortcut. Who knows why they didn’t reinstate that penalty.

4. Big Brother – I haven’t watched this show much but it’s still on TV despite the fact that no one watches it. It’s just fucking boring. Stop putting it on the air.


This was the most exciting moment of season 9 of Big Brother.