Don't Eat Twinkies

So when's the last time you had a Twinkie? I can't remember exactly, but it must have been over 10 years ago for me. Anyway for some reason, probably novelty more than anything, I decided to purchase a two pack of Twinkies from the office snack machine.

The two bright yellow creme-filled spongecakes looked delicious enough, but upon opening the package I noticed how greasy they were. Now I've heard of people deep frying Twinkies but now that seems excessive. These things literally were moist with oil. I ate them anyway.

Boy do I regret it. They were overly sweet and messy.

Worst of all my internals are going crazy right now. Now, I don't mean I'm running off to the bathroom every 5 minutes to worship the porcelain god, but I certainly feel like someone's been fiddling with my pressure knobs. My stomach is making all sorts of strange groaning sounds and I'm burping spontaneously without warning.

I won't get too graphic, but apparently Twinkies weren't meant for human consumption and my body is giving me some very good evidence why.