Things I've Learned

I'm not very experienced when it comes to relationships. I've only ever had one girlfriend and that recently ended after close to 2 years.

I'm not at an age or maturity level where I feel pressure to get engaged or married, however it is something that I want to do in the future. One thing to note is that maturity level does not have a 1:1 correlation with age. I've noticed this in a lot of things. I've almost gotten in fights with 50-something men on the basketball courts who insist on name calling and racism. Likewise, some people feel ready to commit to marriage when they are still in high school. Still others may not get married until they are in their 40s. To each his/her own.

I'm at a relatively young age, but my relationship experience level might be a good 10 years behind me. For whatever reason I never felt a great desire to date. I can remember having crushes on girls in elementary school, but that never drove me to ask them out or even want anything to do with them. It was more of an aesthetic appreciation rather than a desire to get to know the person more. I guess this makes me a late bloomer.

I think I have made one realization though and that is certain qualities you want in a spouse. I think one critical quality is partnership. By this I mean the person you marry should be someone that you feel you can do anything in life with. This is the person that you'd want by your side when you were in the worst situation of your life or had no idea how you were going to accomplish a goal. Your spouse should be your "partner in crime". With them by your side you feel confident enough to take on any challenge in life. I think many people who have parents that are happily married (like my own) observe this quality. The mother and father complement each others strengths and weaknesses, they are able to keep each other calm and rational. They balance each other, but above all there is this unshakeable confidence that with these two people together there is nothing they can get through.

That is what you want in a best friend and a spouse.

Physical attraction is one thing, but it is ephemeral and often volatile. What you want is your matching half. If you can find someone who is your half this ensures you communicate well, obviously are compatible, and with that there has to be love.

Love is a tough thing to define, but if you have someone in your life who fits the description of the partner as I have written it, I'd bet you'd be hard pressed to say you don't love that person.