People don't change - don't forget that.

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be somewhat of a rant post so it's going to contain foul language. If you are offended by language, please stop reading now and go to here for some family friendly material.

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Okay here we go...so people don't change is the theme of this writing. Sometimes in the course of getting to know someone you receive a piece of knowledge or make an observation on their character. This may be something that they tell you directly or it may be something you pick up just from spending time with them. Maybe it's something really minor, but all things have meaning. For instance, some people "borrow" money and then never return it. Even if it's $1 it's the principle that matters. Someone that doesn't return borrow money either has a bad or selective memory or is greedy and selfish. So some of you may say something like "Who cares, it's only $1, you're being stingy blah blah blah." The point is not how much was borrowed...the point is you made a commitment to return it and you didn't. Period. If I know someone who doesn't pay back borrowed money, I make a mental note to not lend them money and be very reluctant to let them borrow anything at all. It also makes me less trusting of that person.

People may call me extreme or idealistic, but whatever...I'd rather call it consistent. Here is another issue: honesty. Honesty with a capital H is absolute...it is simple to define in my book. When asked a direct yes or no question you give the response that reflects how you feel or what really happened. For instance, "Did you go to school today?" is a yes or no question. You either did or you didn't. There is no room for qualifiers or excuses.

Here's were it gets iffy. Some people think it's okay to flat out lie and be dishoneste IF they feel it is for a good reason. Often times people lie because they think by doing so they will prevent feelings from being hurt. A common lie is the one of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Many parents will perpetuate the lie rather than have their kid bawling because some fat man in a red suit doesn't break into their house once a year to steal their cookies.

However, we all find out eventually that there is no Santa Claus and so what? I don't remember crying when I found out. It didn't hurt. Frankly, spoiled little kids these days don't give a shit about Santa Claus all they want is THE TOYS! Whether Santa brought me my Legos or Mom and Dad did is irrelevant. All that matters is I have my fucking Legos!

Anyway, this is a small example. People lie all the time and feel fine with it because they are able to internally justify their lying. I think it's wrong to lie but I've done it too. I've been deceptive by not revealing all the information. However, I cannot think of an instance in which I've been asked a direct YES/NO question and lied about it.

Mark Twain once said "A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."

Tru dat brotha.

I believe Twain also had a quote that basically said that in order to be a good liar you must have an extremely good memory. Most people don't and end up being caught in their web of lies. Then the shit hits the fan.

So which is worse: Would you rather be told the truth and have it hurt you? Or be lied to and never find out?

Most people would say, "Ignorance is bliss." And they are right because IF you never find something out, to you it never happened. So this is equivalent to asking "Would you rather have something bad happen to you or not have the bad thing happen to you."

Okay let's complicate this a bit. Same two choices as before, but what if there was third choice...you are lied to initially but you then find out you were lied to...through other means.

This is what is the most infuriating in my opinion. It is this way because the person says they had good intentions in concealing something from you, but at the same time they did such a half-assed job of hiding it that you found out! If you're going to do something DO IT RIGHT!

Since most people have poor memories and are incompetent at deception, the easy route is NOT TO LIE! In this day and age information is so free flowing that almost anyone can find out anything. Anyway, in this third case the person who tries to hide something is found out, and now the deceived party is mad as hell, because they would have rather found out directly...OR THE DECEIVER SHOULD HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB!

Carrying a lie on is a heavy burden, one that can last your whole life. Undoubtedly there are many people who manage to do this and carry the lie to their graves. Those people are truly the competent ones.

For those of us who can't do that either because of their mental capacity or morality, we are left with two options...just be honest or don't do things that you'll have to lie about.

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As a human beings, when we are hurt or wronged we seek revenge. It is natural to want to inflict pain equal to what you are feeling. Also, when we reveal that we are hurt to those who hurt us, we want them to at least feel remorseful for hurting us. If they don't, that pisses us off. Some people are just cold-blooded like this. They simply don't care. They hurt people and shrug it off.

The problem is that I do care when I hurt people and even though I have natural human feelings to seek revenge I can't do it because then I'd feel guilty about it. Some people who behave like this tend to believe that a higher power or karma will get their revenge for them. Perhaps this liar will be sent to Hell and burn for all eternity. The thought of the liar getting punished by SOMEONE brings us comfort. Maybe Karma means the person will get run over by a bus or at least fall in some mud or something.

I think that's all bullshit though. People don't get what they deserve unless someone or something makes it so. You don't go to hell if you are bad. Karma does not exist. Bad things happen to you for definite reasons. And bad things can be made happen to you if people try to make them happen.

But for me, I would never take actions against someone because I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt. That's just me though. The people who hurt me will go on living their lives happy as can be. Meanwhile I'll just keep taking my lumps.

You know it's a scary thing. Back in my high school years I felt dark and for awhile I was feeling slightly depressed and very cynical about people and life. I used to say "if I ever know I'm going to die, you better watch out...because I'm going out in a blaze of glory."

The funny thing is that I know I'm going to die...in fact we ALL know we will die one day. So what's to prevent us from doing this already? I guess it's the prospect of experiencing things that make life worthwhile or perhaps the fear of consequences toward those we care about. However, this strategy is a dumb one....going out in a blaze of glory is pointless. You might as well just jump off a cliff, you'll get the same adrenaline rush without the guilt of hurting others.

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Why do we keep living? The answer is...to keep living. We are organisms like any other and we exist so that others after us may exist. I don't understand why people commit suicide. It's such a waste of organic material. I say...if you really reach a point in your life where you no longer want to live...donate your life to the service of humanity. Maybe we can use you to pilot a spacecraft into a incoming asteroid to save a continent. At least do something good with your life.

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All this writing probably seems very preachy and I realize by now probably no one is reading, but whatever. This is writing for me, for my cathartic purposes. That's why I'm not worrying about spelling, grammar, or going back and editing. I am a person, a sinner, a liar. I have lied before and I'll probably lie again. However, I do have a conscience and I try not to lie. I try to be honest. It is something which is important to me FOR ME...not for anyone else.

I think people sometimes base their behavior on what others think too much. You should decide how you act for yourself. A simple thing is fidelity in relationships whether it be a boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage situation. You shouldn't have to be faithful to your partner because your partner wants you to...you should be faithful because you want to be.

Also, certain norms are there for logical reasons as well. In terms of faithfulness, you probably shouldn't sleep around because it's not healthy...it makes the spread of STDs easier. You won't be getting much action when you end up with more crabs than Red Lobster.

So the point is...DO STUFF FOR YOURSELF. Act the way you do because YOU WANT TO ACT THAT WAY...not because your parents or your friends want you to. Do things you are comfortable knowing that you did. This is the idea of a CONSCIENCE. It's your inner voice which is your moral compass.

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Anyway, those who know me know why I launched on this huge rant. I don't feel like writing anymore for now.