Am I Abnormal?

Sometimes I feel like the answer is yes, in a social sense. I can interact with people 'normally'. At times I might be described as 'outgoing', maybe even 'gregarious'. But other times I feel extremely reserved and shy.

What I'm talking about isn't so much how others perceive me as much as how I feel about my desire for social interactions.

I have two sides:

One side craves excessive amounts of social interaction...that almost amounts to a sort of mania where I want to interact with as many people as possible, all at once. It results in me talking very quickly and switching my focus from target to target, as if I was spinning rapidly in a circle. I feel energized and 'on'. I feel the same way when I'm in an interview...everything I say feels crisp and snappy.

My other side is one that doesn't feel like interacting. This side just wants to be silent and not expend energy or thought on performing. This side tends to be more connected with practicality. It is aware of what should be done (and this is never socialization). It's the voice in the back of your head telling you, 'Don't you have something better to do?'

My problem is that I switch between these two modes very suddenly. Currently I feel like I should be socializing, but just as quickly I revert to the second mode where I feel the burden of tasks more important. Sometimes I'm in the first mode, feeling the mania of social interaction and suddenly I no longer desire interaction. In a sense, I wish the people I'm talking to would just vanish with a snap of my fingers. I want in and out that quickly.

The reverse is true. Times when I'm feeling isolated and lonely I want instant interaction. Of course I may want it to go away at my whim too.

In the real world, social interaction doesn't really work like this. There is much more inertia and time investment needed to transition between the two states. You can't just jump into conversation with someone without a bit of workup. Likewise, if you suddenly just walk away during the conversation you'll be thought of as rude.

The transition has to be a gradual slope. It can't be asymptotic.

An interesting analogy comes to mind. Relationships (romantic, marital, etc) v. prostitution. Relationships obviously take a lot of time and effort. For instance, if you want sex via a relationship you must take many steps before it happens. You can't just walk up to someone and ask them to sleep with you. After you've slept with someone you can't just walk up and leave. Chances are that'll ruin the relationship for you.

Prostitution on the other hand is exactly the opposite. You can get instant gratification (albeit you need to pay) and there's no obligation to make the transition back to your normal state gradual. You can just get up and leave. More likely the prostitute you solicited will be the one who makes the first move for the door.

This is interesting...in this case prostitution allows for rapid changes between the states. The lack of etiquette is forgiven through money. It is a business transaction, not a relationship.

I'm not saying I advocate prostitution or would ever consider getting involved in any way, but this just seems like a good example of how there's a market to satisfy people's desires for quick state changes.

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Another example of a state change (not social) would be physique. People want to look thinner, more muscular...but they don't want to do it gradually over years and years of rigorous exercise and dieting. They want results NOW! Exercise contraptions, diets, pills, surgery...billions must be spent selling results FASTER!

I could go on forever about this. What does this all come down to? Perhaps it's that people are lazy and will pay (somehow) to indulge their laziness.