This will be the best 3 years of your life.
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Moving to a new electronic home...
9 years ago
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I care about football
The most emotional you'll see me on a regular basis is when I'm watching football games. I jump up and down, I rock back and forth, full of nervous energy and anxiety. I yell and scream for joy...I curse and throw things across the room. It's by far the most animated I get. Hell, it's probably the most emotional I've gotten about ANYTHING in my life thus far.
Most people probably see this and think I'm a nut. Why would I care about some NFL game that has no personal connection to me? I'm not a member of the team. I'm not playing. I don't even know anyone on the team personally. I have no control over the outcome of the game - no matter how loudly I curse at the TV.
Am I crazy for caring so much about something which I have no control over and little tangible personal connection? I think not.
Think about the things you care about the most...or the things you get emotional about. How much control do you have over them? How personal are things to you?
I'm sure you're firing back with people. You care about people that you love. You get upset when they die. I understand the personal connection - I'm not so inhuman that I feel no connection to people. I don't, however, get upset over people dying. Most people become extremely emotional when dealing with death. It's totally beyond their control most of the time, yet it still triggers the biggest outpouring of feeling.
Why do I have to ask permission to be upset over things? I say be upset/emotional over whatever you want...no matter how insignificant or random it may be. Being emotional is what makes people human. I'd rather live a life of ups and downs than flat-lining at neutral.
Most people probably see this and think I'm a nut. Why would I care about some NFL game that has no personal connection to me? I'm not a member of the team. I'm not playing. I don't even know anyone on the team personally. I have no control over the outcome of the game - no matter how loudly I curse at the TV.
Am I crazy for caring so much about something which I have no control over and little tangible personal connection? I think not.
Think about the things you care about the most...or the things you get emotional about. How much control do you have over them? How personal are things to you?
I'm sure you're firing back with people. You care about people that you love. You get upset when they die. I understand the personal connection - I'm not so inhuman that I feel no connection to people. I don't, however, get upset over people dying. Most people become extremely emotional when dealing with death. It's totally beyond their control most of the time, yet it still triggers the biggest outpouring of feeling.
Why do I have to ask permission to be upset over things? I say be upset/emotional over whatever you want...no matter how insignificant or random it may be. Being emotional is what makes people human. I'd rather live a life of ups and downs than flat-lining at neutral.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Am I Abnormal?
Sometimes I feel like the answer is yes, in a social sense. I can interact with people 'normally'. At times I might be described as 'outgoing', maybe even 'gregarious'. But other times I feel extremely reserved and shy.
What I'm talking about isn't so much how others perceive me as much as how I feel about my desire for social interactions.
I have two sides:
One side craves excessive amounts of social interaction...that almost amounts to a sort of mania where I want to interact with as many people as possible, all at once. It results in me talking very quickly and switching my focus from target to target, as if I was spinning rapidly in a circle. I feel energized and 'on'. I feel the same way when I'm in an interview...everything I say feels crisp and snappy.
My other side is one that doesn't feel like interacting. This side just wants to be silent and not expend energy or thought on performing. This side tends to be more connected with practicality. It is aware of what should be done (and this is never socialization). It's the voice in the back of your head telling you, 'Don't you have something better to do?'
My problem is that I switch between these two modes very suddenly. Currently I feel like I should be socializing, but just as quickly I revert to the second mode where I feel the burden of tasks more important. Sometimes I'm in the first mode, feeling the mania of social interaction and suddenly I no longer desire interaction. In a sense, I wish the people I'm talking to would just vanish with a snap of my fingers. I want in and out that quickly.
The reverse is true. Times when I'm feeling isolated and lonely I want instant interaction. Of course I may want it to go away at my whim too.
In the real world, social interaction doesn't really work like this. There is much more inertia and time investment needed to transition between the two states. You can't just jump into conversation with someone without a bit of workup. Likewise, if you suddenly just walk away during the conversation you'll be thought of as rude.
The transition has to be a gradual slope. It can't be asymptotic.
An interesting analogy comes to mind. Relationships (romantic, marital, etc) v. prostitution. Relationships obviously take a lot of time and effort. For instance, if you want sex via a relationship you must take many steps before it happens. You can't just walk up to someone and ask them to sleep with you. After you've slept with someone you can't just walk up and leave. Chances are that'll ruin the relationship for you.
Prostitution on the other hand is exactly the opposite. You can get instant gratification (albeit you need to pay) and there's no obligation to make the transition back to your normal state gradual. You can just get up and leave. More likely the prostitute you solicited will be the one who makes the first move for the door.
This is interesting...in this case prostitution allows for rapid changes between the states. The lack of etiquette is forgiven through money. It is a business transaction, not a relationship.
I'm not saying I advocate prostitution or would ever consider getting involved in any way, but this just seems like a good example of how there's a market to satisfy people's desires for quick state changes.
---
Another example of a state change (not social) would be physique. People want to look thinner, more muscular...but they don't want to do it gradually over years and years of rigorous exercise and dieting. They want results NOW! Exercise contraptions, diets, pills, surgery...billions must be spent selling results FASTER!
I could go on forever about this. What does this all come down to? Perhaps it's that people are lazy and will pay (somehow) to indulge their laziness.
What I'm talking about isn't so much how others perceive me as much as how I feel about my desire for social interactions.
I have two sides:
One side craves excessive amounts of social interaction...that almost amounts to a sort of mania where I want to interact with as many people as possible, all at once. It results in me talking very quickly and switching my focus from target to target, as if I was spinning rapidly in a circle. I feel energized and 'on'. I feel the same way when I'm in an interview...everything I say feels crisp and snappy.
My other side is one that doesn't feel like interacting. This side just wants to be silent and not expend energy or thought on performing. This side tends to be more connected with practicality. It is aware of what should be done (and this is never socialization). It's the voice in the back of your head telling you, 'Don't you have something better to do?'
My problem is that I switch between these two modes very suddenly. Currently I feel like I should be socializing, but just as quickly I revert to the second mode where I feel the burden of tasks more important. Sometimes I'm in the first mode, feeling the mania of social interaction and suddenly I no longer desire interaction. In a sense, I wish the people I'm talking to would just vanish with a snap of my fingers. I want in and out that quickly.
The reverse is true. Times when I'm feeling isolated and lonely I want instant interaction. Of course I may want it to go away at my whim too.
In the real world, social interaction doesn't really work like this. There is much more inertia and time investment needed to transition between the two states. You can't just jump into conversation with someone without a bit of workup. Likewise, if you suddenly just walk away during the conversation you'll be thought of as rude.
The transition has to be a gradual slope. It can't be asymptotic.
An interesting analogy comes to mind. Relationships (romantic, marital, etc) v. prostitution. Relationships obviously take a lot of time and effort. For instance, if you want sex via a relationship you must take many steps before it happens. You can't just walk up to someone and ask them to sleep with you. After you've slept with someone you can't just walk up and leave. Chances are that'll ruin the relationship for you.
Prostitution on the other hand is exactly the opposite. You can get instant gratification (albeit you need to pay) and there's no obligation to make the transition back to your normal state gradual. You can just get up and leave. More likely the prostitute you solicited will be the one who makes the first move for the door.
This is interesting...in this case prostitution allows for rapid changes between the states. The lack of etiquette is forgiven through money. It is a business transaction, not a relationship.
I'm not saying I advocate prostitution or would ever consider getting involved in any way, but this just seems like a good example of how there's a market to satisfy people's desires for quick state changes.
---
Another example of a state change (not social) would be physique. People want to look thinner, more muscular...but they don't want to do it gradually over years and years of rigorous exercise and dieting. They want results NOW! Exercise contraptions, diets, pills, surgery...billions must be spent selling results FASTER!
I could go on forever about this. What does this all come down to? Perhaps it's that people are lazy and will pay (somehow) to indulge their laziness.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Down with the Sickness
Everyone has been passing around some sort of cold/flu bug recently. It's quite annoying. Despite my bi-daily routine of taking fish oil and a multivitamin, I was hit by it too. Fortunately, it's been rather mild. It started with a sore throat, which left after a day. Then it's just been nasal congestion/nasal runniness. Not enough to put you out of commission, but enough to significantly hamper you.
Being sick sucks...it makes you so worthless. I think I need to get myself some Purel or something. At the minimum I need to implement the proper handwashing technique without feeling so dorky for using a paper towel to turn off the faucet and open the door. Oh, and it'd probably help to stop touching my eyes, nose, and mouth with my hands so much.
Anyway, yeah being sick...even mildly pretty much ruins your life.
So how am I feeling currently? I can keep my head above water on a daily basis, but can't find time to see the ocean.
Being sick sucks...it makes you so worthless. I think I need to get myself some Purel or something. At the minimum I need to implement the proper handwashing technique without feeling so dorky for using a paper towel to turn off the faucet and open the door. Oh, and it'd probably help to stop touching my eyes, nose, and mouth with my hands so much.
Anyway, yeah being sick...even mildly pretty much ruins your life.
So how am I feeling currently? I can keep my head above water on a daily basis, but can't find time to see the ocean.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
From the berry
It's almost 9 PM on Wednesday. I'm currently sitting in the library. The first floor has this nice reading room. If you look up the ceiling extends to the 3rd floor. There are a dozen large rectangular desks which each seat 4 people...but in most cases (and in mine) there's only 1 person at the desk. I like having lots of room to spread out. There's also some decent lighting and electrical outlets for my laptop. Upon first entering the library the room is a bit intimidating because it seems so formal and out in the open at the same time. But from the perspective of the actual desk, it's actually kinda homey and cozy. Everyone is silently buried in books so there's very little social interaction, but still, the mere presence of other living people in the room is comforting.
Some people jokingly call it the 'gunner pit'. For those who don't know a 'gunner' is a student who is super-competitive to the point of being ruthless. I guess the idea that those who sit down here and study in plain view of so many people would be gunners makes sense. The second floor of the library has the most study space by far. It feels much less formal and also has some great lighting.
I'm here a bit out of necessity. The wireless internet I was using has mysteriously vanished, much to my dismay. However, perhaps working at the library will increase my efficiency. I'm currently listening to Pandora Radio and have a nice Herbie Hancock station going. Nice tunes...no lyrics...all good.
Some people jokingly call it the 'gunner pit'. For those who don't know a 'gunner' is a student who is super-competitive to the point of being ruthless. I guess the idea that those who sit down here and study in plain view of so many people would be gunners makes sense. The second floor of the library has the most study space by far. It feels much less formal and also has some great lighting.
I'm here a bit out of necessity. The wireless internet I was using has mysteriously vanished, much to my dismay. However, perhaps working at the library will increase my efficiency. I'm currently listening to Pandora Radio and have a nice Herbie Hancock station going. Nice tunes...no lyrics...all good.
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