i feel like i don't exist

when i'm wading through the crowd i feel like i could just walk through people

i look at the crowd, look at certain people but i feel like they can't see me.

i feel aloof as if i'm floating above it all, just being a silent observer

random

i keep biting my lip by accident while chewing gum

i started wearing a watch in hopes of managing my time better
i realize i'm inefficient because i multitask so much...every transaction wastes valuable time

principle of aggregation...all those lost seconds, add up into minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, etc


i'm 50 pounds heavier than when i was in 10th grade, but i may be no stronger

not sure what it is but my typing abilities have gone to shit. theory: switching between typing on a laptop keyboard and a regular keyboard are to blame

i seem to be caught in the same loop of social deprivation i was in before i came back to school; it's just happening in a more socially-conducive environment now

i sweat so easily. it takes so little exertion for me to sweat.

i have horrible handwriting

i want control over my mind and body. i don't see myself as a body...rather i view myself more as a consciousness that is directing my body like a machine. i feel my strength of will should be able to overcome limitations my body may impose on me through feedback known as pain or fatigure.

i find myself desiring more control over my environment. the air i breath, the light i see, the sounds i hear, the security, what i put into my body, the way i feel.

Memo to myself

Things I want to pay other people to do:
- clean
- laundry
- maintenance (fixing things, gardening, auto, etc)

Things worth spending money on for quality:
- audio (music)
- visual
- comfortable bed
- comfortable shoes
- food/drink
- health related things (e.g. dental care)

Things not worth spending lots of money on:

House features:
- central waste disposal
- air filtration
- clean room
- no touch bathroom: auto door, auto water, auto soap, dryer, etc