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Night Owls

My mother told me that when I was a baby I would refuse to go to bed unless everyone else in the house was asleep. She'd attempt to put me in my crib and soothe me until I fell asleep, but as soon as she left I'd start crying.

To this day I haven't changed.

I always like to be the last one to fall asleep. It isn't because I have some macho complex where sleeping early is a sign of weakness. It's because I feel like I'm missing out on things if I go to bed while people are stirring.

I know, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense because the later I go to bed, the later I rise. Somehow, what people do prior to noon doesn't interest me a great deal.

Only when I'm free of all other distractions do I feel at peace enough to sleep. I also do most of my blog-writing and reading in the wee hours of the morning.

There's a tranquil lucidity at 1 AM.

Introverting

There seem to be two general classifications for how people behave when it comes to social situations: 1. Introvert 2. Extrovert

Introverts are those who tend to keep things inside. They are often viewed as being quiet or shy. They may appear awkward at social events, avoid making eye contact, and when they speak it may be very quiet and words may be sparse. Extroverts are more commonly perceived as the life of the party. They make eye contact with strangers - they shake hands, initiate conversations. They tend to be loud, bold, and perceived as being confident.

I believe that being an introvert or extrovert is not a intrinsic quality. People can go back and forth throughout their lives. When I was younger I think I was quite introverted, but as I got older I became progressively more extroverted. I believe the pinnacle of my extroversion was during college.

I remember eating dinner in the dining hall at a round table with 8 or more of my friends. Often a friend of a friend would squeeze in to join us. It was always a quite jovial and amicable affair and I always felt like I was at the center of it.
Perhaps it was my own perception or the fact that I was the common link between the various social circles that formed a meal-time Venn diagram, but whatever the reason, the energy it infused in me was invigorating.

However, there came some times where for whatever reason, I no longer felt compelled to bring this energy to the situation. I'd realize that I would be the one talking, making jokes, making eye contact and wonder why I was putting in so much effort. While I enjoyed feeling like I was the hub, I also felt a lack of reciprocity. So sometimes I'd stage these little 'social experiments' where during dinner I'd just eat my food and observe my tablemates. Invariably after just a few minutes one of the girls (who I guess were more keen to my behavior) would question me and ask if something was wrong. I'd probably play dumb and pretend not to know, but they'd question me on my sudden quietness. These experiments never lasted long, but it was shocking to hear the silence and observe the totally different social dynamic without one piece of the puzzle. In a way I felt like I was the catalyst in the reaction.

I've grown less extroverted since leaving college - the lack of constant social interaction has atrophied my past bubbliness - and even know, at times I feel the urge just to sit back and observe, rather than lead and participate. I know I won't be able to maintain my 'experiment' for long, but it shows how keen people are to major shifts in behavior.

That was a really obvious statement.

A closing question: Let's say you ate dinner with a person every day for years. This person never said a word or even looked at you. He/she never did anything other than eat his/her meal and then leave. Could/would you hate this person?

The Point of No Return

It's been a while since I last posted. I had forgotten about you, I must admit. Ever hear of 'the point of no return'? I think of it in terms of space expeditions, but it could apply to any trip you take. I understand it to be the point in the trip where it's longer to go back than it is to keep traveling to your destination. Most of the time the point of no return would be your halfway point.

Whenever I'm going on a roadtrip I get this uneasy feeling when I reach this point. Sometimes I get it earlier than the point of no return. An hour out I'll feel a slight urge to turn around and go back. 60 miles isn't that far. It'll only take an hour to go back. It seems to so easy and reachable that it's tempting. Yet, I never turn around unless I have some real reason to do so.

I keep driving and soon I'm farther away and the possibility of turning around diminishes. Once I'm past the point of no return there's only my destination in mind, so I keep driving until I get there.